Awful Surgeries, Can you blink in that thing? Options

[Gorgon]

Cher's mask-y face came up on another thread, which got me to thinkin' 'bout how much worse most people look after cosmetic surgery. And I was wondering, whose brand new face (or body) just terrifies you? Makes you cry out in the night?
Leaves you in the fetal position, sobbing quietly? For inspiration, you may want to have a peep at this site:

http://www.awfulplasticsurgery.com/

[PalePhoenix]

Looks like your link's busted, gurl. Might it have been this pic?

Attached image(s)

 

[Xaotrix]

I think I recognize the bloke from CNN, but what the hell is that thing on the right?

[ganymede]

Cover your ears. That's Amanda Lepore. Or as Gorgon prefers to call her, "Mandy Leper." Her bio always says how she "left a boring life as a suburban housewife in New Jersey" or something like that, but I somehow can't see her doing dishes for more than about five minutes. Or fooling her husband more than ten.

[circle6]

ANDERSON COOPER!!!!

What the hell is he doing with that....creature?!!?!?

Man, I'm callin' Gloria ASAP and gettin' his ass cut outta the will.

Someone please tell me that his expression is the result of a blow to the nuts from Ms. LePoor.

Please...

[Archemini]

Someone please tell me that his expression is the result of a blow to the nuts from Ms. LePoor.

It's actually a result of realizing that the hot lights and camera flashes were melting the plastic off of her body and it was running onto his shoes...

[PalePhoenix]

What the hell is he doing with that....creature?!!?!?

It was the biannual meeting of "D-List Cocksuckers," and they were honoring Coop's "360º" show by having Mandy give 'im some head. On the bright side, even though the botox has dried up her salivary glands, she can prick her lip for a steady supply of silicone.

[Gorgon]

Faye Dunaway. Tsk. The surgeon thought it would be funny to leave her this way.



Her smiling makes my face ache.

[PalePhoenix]

Hmm. I don't think they were quite done with her. Let me finish the work...

"I'm on fire! Shit! Get the umbrella!
[ghoulish shrieking]

[BrentDanzig]

Beyoncé. Note the rip in the space-time continuum at her hairline.

Why Beyonce is still the mane attraction
FROM THE DAILY MAIL



When it comes to glue, Beyonce seems to have trouble avoiding sticky situations.

Earlier this month, she appeared at the Dreamgirls premiere with a patch of oddly marked skin on her cleavage which seemed to be the result of overzealous application of sticky tape. Now during a performance at a concert in Florida, she appeared onstage with bizarrely bunched up skin by her hairline, after glue had been applied too tightly to hold her hair in position.

The 25-year-old singer is believed to favour a special type of hair extension-where real human hair is woven and glued into her own locks. But if the hair is fixed too tightly, this unsightly 'varicose vein' effect can result.

Although Beyonce's hair extensions have been badly fitted on this occasion, other celebrities have suffered far more in their quest for a long flowing mane. Earlier this month,for example, actress Kate Beckinsale was pictured with bald patches on the back of her head-an unfortunate hazard of hair extensions. And celebrities including Victoria Beckham and Nancy Dell'Olio have also suffered baldness when their real hair was ripped out along with the extensions.

Commenting on the danger of this practice, expert Glen Lyons of the Philip Kingsley Trichological Clinic in London said: "Although techniques have improved, the potential damage caused by traction- the pulling of the attachment from the glue-remains."

[Galahad]

This one's for Brent. Enlarge at your own risk. Girlfriend in a coma? No, it's Grandma in Denial.

Attached thumbnail(s)

 

[JBlueEyes]

W... T... F...

[PalePhoenix]

W... T... F...

But wait, there's less. A lot less. Around your labia. The captioned voice-over is fairly alarming, tho the 'punchline' at the end has less to do with plastic surgery than the ability to provide reliable information on it. Call it "The Lost Vagina Monologues," or a Riot Grrl cover of The Who, "Pussy, Can You Hear Me?" even if some might confuse the latter with a bad cellphone signal on "The Sopranos."

I know Oprah's tested a few low-connection areas, personally.

[BrentDanzig]

Call it "The Lost Vagina Monologues," or a Riot Grrl cover of The Who, "Pussy, Can You Hear Me?"...

See me! Feel me! Touch me! Heal me!


The Vagina Monologues, "Family Guy" style.

[Galahad]

The Vagina Monologues, "Family Guy" style.

And here it is, Alexyss K. Tylor style. Can also be found here, or on YouTube. She's piloting the pussy. Nothing to do with elective surgery, unless you count her opinions on the male genitalia.

[irishblessing]

Nothing to do with elective surgery, unless you count her opinions on the male genitalia.

Yeah, but this does: The Internal Bra.

Israel's 'Cup&Up' promises uplifting breasts without the surgical risk

It may not sound kosher but Israeli researchers are using pigs to test an innovative technology they say will replace cosmetic breast surgery. But we'll get back to that later.

The MIM technique (Minimally Invasive Mastopexy), developed by the startup of the same name, promises to reshape, support and lift breast soft tissue in a much more minimally invasive manner than today's cosmetic breast surgery. They're calling their breast support kit the 'Cup&Up'... (read more)

Men have been waiting for centuries for a similar form of support. Finally, it has arrived.

Attached thumbnail(s)

 

[Galahad]

I know Oprah's tested a few low-connection areas, personally.

Let's leave that pussy piloting to the professionals:

U.S. gynecology group slams cosmetic vaginal surgery

Cosmetic procedures billed as "vaginal rejuvenation," "designer vaginoplasty" or even "revirgination" are not medically necessary and are not guaranteed to be safe, the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists cautioned on Friday.

The group, which educates and accredits doctors who treat women and deliver babies, said it is deceptive to give the impression that any of these procedures are accepted or routine.

In guidance published in the September issue of its journal, Obstetrics & Gynecology, the group, known as ACOG, said the procedures can cause complications such as infection, altered sensation, pain and scarring... (read more)

They just slammed that cosmetic vagina again, and again, and again...

[JBlueEyes]

Possibly a little worse, and a lot more public:

The philosophy and technics of the operative procedure was developed only a few years ago, but our experiences on more than one thousand ears revealed the fact, that the operation is safe and well-tolerated by patients. We perform the operation as a one-day-surgery, mostly under local anaesthesia.

The procedure itself means a very careful dissection of the structures at the upper pole of the earlobe. The required reshaping is achieved by modellation of a specially designed chondro-cutaneous flap (a flap containing the own cartilage and skin of the patient). The new shape is fixed by means of absorbable sutures, skin closure is made with unabsorbable uninterrupted sutures... (read more, with pics!)

Multi-purpose geekery. Are they Vulcans, LOTR elves, or Warcraft devotees? They look young enough for their parents to have played D&D. How do you get a JOB (or any respect) with those?

Attached thumbnail(s)

 

[PalePhoenix]

Still snagging links from Rotten and High Street, JBE? There's been some talk that those pics are just photoshopping, but if so, they're a pretty good job. The same can't be said for the eventual results, and yer rite, they must be terribly secure in their current income level to do such a permanent thing to their bodies.

A similar thought applies to anybody who gets plastic surgery to look like their favorite celebrities. My current fave, I suppose, is the one (a guy) who wanted to look like Joan Rivers. Theoretically, to enhance his nightclub act and get into lots of publicity photos with the genuine article. The problem is, the "genuine article" isn't so genuine, herself, and by her own admission. What's the problem, you say? How can you get surgery to look like someone if you don't know who SHE is trying to look like?

Anywhore... Those interested (besides Taint), should explore that site I linked. It's chock fulla fascinating tidbits about physical transformation.

[JBlueEyes]

Still snagging links from Rotten and High Street, JBE?

If you're not at High Street, then they must be passé. Here, have one from Newsweek instead. Hope you're happy.

Mommy 2.0
A new picture book about plastic surgery aims to explain why mom is getting a flatter tummy and a 'prettier' nose.

When she was pregnant with her son Junior, who turns nine this month, Gabriela Acosta ballooned from 115 pounds to 196. Acosta lost the weight but wound up with stretched, saggy skin. Even her son noticed it. He told her that her stomach looked "pruney," the result, he thought, of staying in the shower too long. So the 29-year-old stay-at-home mom scheduled a consultation with Dr. Michael Salzhauer, a board-certified plastic surgeon in Bal Harbour, Fla.

Acosta told Salzhauer that she wasn't sure how to talk to her son about the procedures she was considering. That's when he showed her the manuscript for his children's picture book, "My Beautiful Mommy" (Big Tent Books), out this Mother's Day. It features a perky mother explaining to her child why she's having cosmetic surgery (a nose job and tummy tuck). Naturally, it has a happy ending: mommy winds up "even more" beautiful than before, and her daughter is thrilled... (read more)

How did we go from Heather Has Two Mommies to Heather Has a New Mommy...Slight Improvements on the Last One? See, those right-wingnuts told us this would happen if children's literature got too permissive and accepting!

[ganymede]

MSNBC (via the NYT, believe it or not) is hopping on the Awful Surgeries bandwagon to turn a slow newsweek into something special for everybody. Everybody who's got so much Botox and Restylane, their faces are sarcophagus masks of a decidedly less precious substance. Be sure to launch the slideshow. Scar-y.

[Galahad]

Skip the gawking and go give yourself a virtual facelift. It's free! It's fuckin' scary!

[PalePhoenix]

Altho they tie it up with bewildering-to-gaze-upon Pete Burns, this list at Queerty includes the likes of Rupert Everett, Ray Liotta, Sly Stallone, and a couple of other male plastic surgery junkies. But you must see it simply for what fashion designer Thierry Mugler has done to himself. He even calls his overhauled body by a new name. It's "Manfred." We're guessing the French word for 'steroids' didn't have enough panache.

Attached thumbnail(s)

 

[PalePhoenix]

The horror continues. At least she and Florence Henderson have something in common. Wessonality.

[JBlueEyes]

Another great resource for plastic surgery victims: Plastic Sergeant.